Alyson_Schafers_Parenting_Bootcamp_2007
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- Apr 7, 2008
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- mschilling
Alyson Schafer\'s Parenting Bootcamp. DVD Video Nov. 07 Toronto. Burn with Toast on mac to single layer DVD. This is an amateur video of psycho therapist and parenting guru, Alyson Schafer\'s two-day parenting boot camp. I used my Canon still camera on the lowest quality video setting with just over 10 hours of video (thanks to Toast on the mac). It is in DVD Video format so you can select scenes which are clips at max one hour each. Get out of the trenches and get some tips from the pro! My wife and I watched the video through to the end, and I jotted down some brief notes on each scene. With the menu scene selection on this DVD, you can then zone in on the relevant sections for a brush up. If you see any needed changes in the notes, leave a comment and I can update it. Also it gives you an idea of the breadth of the topics. Highly recommended to watch it from start to finish to get the relevant background info. Day 1 1. Intro 2. Cooperative vs. Obedient 3. Parenting Styles Auto vs. Democratic, Cooperation vs competition, praise vs. encouragement (stickies skit acted out) 4. Four crucial beliefs 5. Siblings differences, birth order, mistaken approaches, four categories of misbehavior, attention/connection 6. Phone training 7. Power, competent and capable, coat, needs of the situations 8. Revenge Day 2 9. \"Do nothing\" social laws, logical consequences, eating and table manners 10. Table and boundaries, rules that work for everybody 11. Logical consequences, family meetings, rule making participation: connect, capable, count, courage, being heard, democratic, power, arrangements and agreements, safe, supported and heard, actors, 3 kids, celebrate the family, privacy, contributions: what did we do well as a family this week?, what are we enjoying about the family?, acknowledgements, how did it go?, talking stick (all family meeting related) 12. age difference in kids 13. Sibling rivalries, the two-arm technique, who owns the problem?, getting out of the house, alarm clocks 14. teeth brushing, stimulating intrinsic needs, situational powerbase, not personal powerbase, the choices you\'re making are not working for you, how can we do morning time better?, what should happen if we\'re late?, what more things to do?, empowered book - by age can they..., \"clean up now\" sounds like a command, not a request 15. Discipline, tag team vs personal, who starts the discussion, finishes it, allowance, responsibility, two dollar allowance and the vending machine routine, money and saving, tantrums 16. Can you calm yourself? or do I have to move somewhere else? or do you need to go somewhere else?, bedtime training, freedoms/rights and responsibilities cannot be separated Enjoy!
Please seed!
Now that our 6yo daughter is in Grade One, these techniques are REALLY PAYING OFF!! Just today, she was late for school, had to go to the office and get a late slip, and enter the classroom full of kids, already seated, all her own responsibility. She's learning fast that life doesn't revolve around her, these techniques are AWESOME!!
Alyson Schafer is my hero!
Here's a recent article from her list:
Regina School Incident Has Me Wondering.
Posted: 24 Sep 2008 08:02 AM CDT
I just finished reading the Globe and Mail's reporting of a school incident that took place in Regina. An expelled student burst into morning chapel and while holding a gun, demanded that his 4 pages of grievances be read out to the 460 people assembled. The rest of the article describes the heroism of the teacher who wrestled the fire arm free ( a C02 pellet gun) and the horror of the children, and finale "It just goes to show this could any where anytime".
My question: What was in those 4 pages of grievances?
Throwing our hands in the air and saying " he is mentally or a behaviour case" misses the point that children arrive at that point of dysfuntion only after years and years of being misunderstood and their for mistreated by peers and authorities.
So - we expel them. Where do we think they go? To Grey Hound Buses.......
If you are starting to feel that "this could happen anywhere" then maybe we are finally thinking community minded enough to know that all people in our community need to feel they belong and are cared for by their fellowman; that we need to fully resource schools and train teachers so we respond to children who are clearly acting out in ways that show their pain from the earliest of ages, and teach students about inclusivity and differences so that they can create a culture of caring with their classmates. How many children does it take to make a school bully? One to play the role of the bully, and a community exclude him until he snaps.
I want to read that note.....
Here's a recent article from her list:
Regina School Incident Has Me Wondering.
Posted: 24 Sep 2008 08:02 AM CDT
I just finished reading the Globe and Mail's reporting of a school incident that took place in Regina. An expelled student burst into morning chapel and while holding a gun, demanded that his 4 pages of grievances be read out to the 460 people assembled. The rest of the article describes the heroism of the teacher who wrestled the fire arm free ( a C02 pellet gun) and the horror of the children, and finale "It just goes to show this could any where anytime".
My question: What was in those 4 pages of grievances?
Throwing our hands in the air and saying " he is mentally or a behaviour case" misses the point that children arrive at that point of dysfuntion only after years and years of being misunderstood and their for mistreated by peers and authorities.
So - we expel them. Where do we think they go? To Grey Hound Buses.......
If you are starting to feel that "this could happen anywhere" then maybe we are finally thinking community minded enough to know that all people in our community need to feel they belong and are cared for by their fellowman; that we need to fully resource schools and train teachers so we respond to children who are clearly acting out in ways that show their pain from the earliest of ages, and teach students about inclusivity and differences so that they can create a culture of caring with their classmates. How many children does it take to make a school bully? One to play the role of the bully, and a community exclude him until he snaps.
I want to read that note.....
How is this file working for pc users? Is it burning to dvd ok on windows? Just change the extension to .iso or is it more complicated than that? Remember people, please see this, there aren't many downloads, but it's a big file and ties up my connection when it is being downloaded, thanks!
More from Alyson:
Children and Religion
Posted: 12 Apr 2009 05:17 PM PDT
Most major religions having some sort of a spring rebirth themed high holiday this time of year. I thought this was an ideal time to share a few thoughts and pointers about children and religion.
My training, and everything posted on my site is grounded in the work of philosopher / psychiatrist Alfred Adler. Adler was born into a non-practicing Jewish family. Adler's own philosophies of social interest and of co-operation without domination were shaped and influenced by the historical events taking place around him: the rise of the Third Reich and massive extermination of a population of people based on their religious ethnicity. Like so many, Adler fled to the USA where religious freedom was hailed as a proud ideal. Just as we must learn to live with religious difference in our world, and not FORCE our beliefs on others, so too we must be thoughtful in the transmission of our beliefs and values to our children. We must inspire and lead through example to ensure we don't stir up our own inter-generational "holy wars" at home. After all, the reality is, our children may NOT decide to follow our faith as they grow into their own. Can you handle that?
In practical terms, how does this impact our parenting? Adler and his protege student, Dr Deikurs caution parents to "use religion wisely" and here is some of what they meant:
1. Sinning or Misbehaving?
Punishment in any form hurts at best, injures at worse and often invites rebellion. So, just as with any form of punishment, threatening eternal damnation is not recommended as a way of improving a child's behaviour. Misbehaviour should be seen as a mistaken approach for reaching a goal rather than the presence of evil. Please read my new book "Honey, I Wrecked The Kids" for a full discussion on misbehaviour. Until you read it, just trust me as a parenting expert and psychotherapist that saying "Don't do that - God is watching" is NOT the best way for dealing with stealing, hitting or other common misbehaviours. I also extend this advice to not threatening your misbehaving child's name be added to Santa Claus' naughty list at Christmas time. Same fear tactic - both inadvisable.
2. Rejecting Strong Values
Adler also noticed that whenever we have a strong family value (which religion can be, but so can sports, music, education) children can't be ambivalent around this family value. Children must put a stake in the ground about their own feelings on this value. Because we know that children need to find their own niche in the family, and if one value is key, then the result is often to see families where the children are polarized around that value. In the over-emphasized athletic family, you might raise the jock, which pleases you, but you risk also inviting a sibling to reject that value they can't live up to, and so they instead become your couch potato child. In religious families, siblings tend to be "saints" and "sinners". In academic families we have the PhD scholar and the drop-out or LD child.
Given the two points above, Adler advices us to trust the power of influence that comes from leading a life of example. Model a good relationship with your faith and how you live in your faith community (be that your church or your co-op food depot) and trust that children will be influenced by your good example - even if that means they don't want to come to church or synagogue, mosque or temple for a few years. Many children in the process of discovering who they are for themselves move away from their religious homes only to return again.
Patience is a virtue. Live a respectable life. Respect your children. Have "faith" in them!
Happy Parenting.
Children and Religion
Posted: 12 Apr 2009 05:17 PM PDT
Most major religions having some sort of a spring rebirth themed high holiday this time of year. I thought this was an ideal time to share a few thoughts and pointers about children and religion.
My training, and everything posted on my site is grounded in the work of philosopher / psychiatrist Alfred Adler. Adler was born into a non-practicing Jewish family. Adler's own philosophies of social interest and of co-operation without domination were shaped and influenced by the historical events taking place around him: the rise of the Third Reich and massive extermination of a population of people based on their religious ethnicity. Like so many, Adler fled to the USA where religious freedom was hailed as a proud ideal. Just as we must learn to live with religious difference in our world, and not FORCE our beliefs on others, so too we must be thoughtful in the transmission of our beliefs and values to our children. We must inspire and lead through example to ensure we don't stir up our own inter-generational "holy wars" at home. After all, the reality is, our children may NOT decide to follow our faith as they grow into their own. Can you handle that?
In practical terms, how does this impact our parenting? Adler and his protege student, Dr Deikurs caution parents to "use religion wisely" and here is some of what they meant:
1. Sinning or Misbehaving?
Punishment in any form hurts at best, injures at worse and often invites rebellion. So, just as with any form of punishment, threatening eternal damnation is not recommended as a way of improving a child's behaviour. Misbehaviour should be seen as a mistaken approach for reaching a goal rather than the presence of evil. Please read my new book "Honey, I Wrecked The Kids" for a full discussion on misbehaviour. Until you read it, just trust me as a parenting expert and psychotherapist that saying "Don't do that - God is watching" is NOT the best way for dealing with stealing, hitting or other common misbehaviours. I also extend this advice to not threatening your misbehaving child's name be added to Santa Claus' naughty list at Christmas time. Same fear tactic - both inadvisable.
2. Rejecting Strong Values
Adler also noticed that whenever we have a strong family value (which religion can be, but so can sports, music, education) children can't be ambivalent around this family value. Children must put a stake in the ground about their own feelings on this value. Because we know that children need to find their own niche in the family, and if one value is key, then the result is often to see families where the children are polarized around that value. In the over-emphasized athletic family, you might raise the jock, which pleases you, but you risk also inviting a sibling to reject that value they can't live up to, and so they instead become your couch potato child. In religious families, siblings tend to be "saints" and "sinners". In academic families we have the PhD scholar and the drop-out or LD child.
Given the two points above, Adler advices us to trust the power of influence that comes from leading a life of example. Model a good relationship with your faith and how you live in your faith community (be that your church or your co-op food depot) and trust that children will be influenced by your good example - even if that means they don't want to come to church or synagogue, mosque or temple for a few years. Many children in the process of discovering who they are for themselves move away from their religious homes only to return again.
Patience is a virtue. Live a respectable life. Respect your children. Have "faith" in them!
Happy Parenting.
The latest...
Street-Proofing Our Kids. Rules to Protect Your Child From Possible Abduction
Posted: 14 Apr 2009 05:58 AM PDT
When a missing child makes the news, every parent has the same thought flash through their mind; what if that was my child? Unbearable thoughts. This is a good reminder that we should all talk to our children about street safety rules.
First, some facts for parents. Most all missing children in Canada are taken by a non-custodial parent who could not gain access through the court system. Random abductions are very rare indeed. Canada is a very safe and friendly country. Sadly, most harm that befalls children in our society is inflicted by their family and caregivers, not strangers.
Still, we need to teach our children safety rules and review them a couple of times a years. Here are the rules every child should know, an abridged list from the Protective Parenting program created by one of my mentors, the late Larry Nissan.
1. I Won?t Go With Someone I Don?t Know
This is a rhyme your children should chant in their heads. Have them say it out loud to you. Have them practice saying it out loud to another adult with assertiveness. It?s a rule! Children should not have to decide if a person looks like a nice person or a bad person. Its not their job to think, judge and assess. Its only their job to follow the family safety rules.
2. Adults Should Seek Help From Other Adults ? NOT from Children.
If an adult asks for help, go get another adult to help them. That means that even if they are old and have a cast or crutches and need help carrying their groceries to their car; even if they have lost their kitten and also have a picture of that kitten ? don?t help. Here is why: Adults try to trick children, so children don?t need to think about how ?real? the problem looks, they only need to follow the family safety rules: Adults seek help from adults, NOT children. If you are asked for help, tell the adult you will help, by getting your teacher, or parent or some other adult to help them.
3. Never Display Your Name
Don?t dress your child with hats and T-shirts with their name on them. It?s easy to convince a child that the adult knows them by using the child?s name. Put labels on the inside of clothes,out of site, but where they can be found if needed.
4. Family Code Word
Make up a family code word that ONLY your family knows, and keep it in their heads, no writing it down on paper to remember. If someone needs to pick up your child for you, tell them the password and then create a new one since that one is now used up. Tell your child to always ask for the password if its not the pre-arranged parent picking them up.
5. Take Two Steps Back
Always keep two steps back from a car. If a car slows down and asks for directions, take TWO STEPS back from the car. You can give driving directions from the sidewalk. NEVER get into a car for any reason. Even if it?s cold or rainy and they can drive you a few blocks home. Not even if they say your mom was in a car accident and they are supposed to take you to the hospital to see her and she didn't have time to give the code. Remind them that since these can be tricky it not their job to evaluate the safety of situations, just follow the family safety rules!
6. A Weapon means SCREAM, YELL, KICK AND RUN
Abductors are also cowards (why else would they be doing this?) and even if they threaten you, they will not chase you if you are running through a parking lot or screaming. If they touch you, make a scene and shout at the top of your lungs: ?This is NOT my PARENT?. This is even the case if they hold a gun. They don?t want to fire a gun in public and be noticed.
Street-Proofing Our Kids. Rules to Protect Your Child From Possible Abduction
Posted: 14 Apr 2009 05:58 AM PDT
When a missing child makes the news, every parent has the same thought flash through their mind; what if that was my child? Unbearable thoughts. This is a good reminder that we should all talk to our children about street safety rules.
First, some facts for parents. Most all missing children in Canada are taken by a non-custodial parent who could not gain access through the court system. Random abductions are very rare indeed. Canada is a very safe and friendly country. Sadly, most harm that befalls children in our society is inflicted by their family and caregivers, not strangers.
Still, we need to teach our children safety rules and review them a couple of times a years. Here are the rules every child should know, an abridged list from the Protective Parenting program created by one of my mentors, the late Larry Nissan.
1. I Won?t Go With Someone I Don?t Know
This is a rhyme your children should chant in their heads. Have them say it out loud to you. Have them practice saying it out loud to another adult with assertiveness. It?s a rule! Children should not have to decide if a person looks like a nice person or a bad person. Its not their job to think, judge and assess. Its only their job to follow the family safety rules.
2. Adults Should Seek Help From Other Adults ? NOT from Children.
If an adult asks for help, go get another adult to help them. That means that even if they are old and have a cast or crutches and need help carrying their groceries to their car; even if they have lost their kitten and also have a picture of that kitten ? don?t help. Here is why: Adults try to trick children, so children don?t need to think about how ?real? the problem looks, they only need to follow the family safety rules: Adults seek help from adults, NOT children. If you are asked for help, tell the adult you will help, by getting your teacher, or parent or some other adult to help them.
3. Never Display Your Name
Don?t dress your child with hats and T-shirts with their name on them. It?s easy to convince a child that the adult knows them by using the child?s name. Put labels on the inside of clothes,out of site, but where they can be found if needed.
4. Family Code Word
Make up a family code word that ONLY your family knows, and keep it in their heads, no writing it down on paper to remember. If someone needs to pick up your child for you, tell them the password and then create a new one since that one is now used up. Tell your child to always ask for the password if its not the pre-arranged parent picking them up.
5. Take Two Steps Back
Always keep two steps back from a car. If a car slows down and asks for directions, take TWO STEPS back from the car. You can give driving directions from the sidewalk. NEVER get into a car for any reason. Even if it?s cold or rainy and they can drive you a few blocks home. Not even if they say your mom was in a car accident and they are supposed to take you to the hospital to see her and she didn't have time to give the code. Remind them that since these can be tricky it not their job to evaluate the safety of situations, just follow the family safety rules!
6. A Weapon means SCREAM, YELL, KICK AND RUN
Abductors are also cowards (why else would they be doing this?) and even if they threaten you, they will not chase you if you are running through a parking lot or screaming. If they touch you, make a scene and shout at the top of your lungs: ?This is NOT my PARENT?. This is even the case if they hold a gun. They don?t want to fire a gun in public and be noticed.
Hi! Just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to put together and up this DVD. I am just three hours into this (starting from the beginning), but already fond of these theories. Makes a lot of sense. Been browsing her site as well for more info. Just ordered her latest book as well as a few others she recommend on her site. Really eager to try some of these techniques on our 3 1/2 year old daughter. My only regret is that I didn't find out about the Adlerian theories before now:-( Anyways, really appreciate this DVD. Works fine on pc, just rename file to .iso and burn. Just wondering, and I know it is a lot to ask, is there any chance you can scan and upload the workbook for this bootcamp? Many thanks:-)
Or send by email?
I'm glad you liked it.
Sorry, no I don't have a workbook I can provide, just the notes that I posted.
Any more comments that you have, please post!
Sorry, no I don't have a workbook I can provide, just the notes that I posted.
Any more comments that you have, please post!
For people who download this and like it, help seed so others can watch it too. My seeding is always available, but the speed is limited and this is a big file. Help out if you can please.
It's at 98.9%. Please seed.
Thank you in advance
Thank you in advance
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